Recently I was having a conversation with a friend, That quickly turned to a discussion regarding something that he felt ‘entitled to’; when I disagreed with him regarding it and stated a completely opposite opinion he took offense to my position and the evening came to a fairly quick close, as he abruptly rose to call it a night; primarily because he is emotionally invested in his ‘entitlement’ and ‘resented’ the fact that someone would dare to challenge it. He will get over the difference of opinion, but it got me to thinking about how the American culture both outside and inside the church has radically changed in regards to our now closely held belief of being entitled. While this may not at first glance seem to be an issue that is addressed in the Bible, upon closer examination of the problem you will find that the undercurrent of entitlements and their destructive consequences are consistently being addressed. However perhaps I should begin at the beginning.
A sense of entitlement means that we feel that we have a right or a claim to something, whether it's the best school, a grand home, a better job, preferential treatment, or the good life. On its own there is nothing wrong with wanting those things (well excluding the preferential treatment); however we begin down a perverse and eventually self-destructive super highway once we take that first step.
When I was growing up in the 70’s, my mother had a copy of the best selling book “I’m OK—You’re OK” written by Thomas Harris, which was part of the self esteem movement of that time (how has that worked out for America?), McDonald’s slogan at the time was “You deserve a break today”." In the 1980's, another ad campaign said, "Pamper yourself with Calgon." In the 1990's, it was "You owe it to yourself to buy a Mercedes Benz." Society continues to bombard us with the message that we are such fantastic people; we are entitled to an equally fantastic way of living. I half expect to see a new book titled something in the vain of “I’m Entitled and So Are You, Just Not as Much as Me”.
Entitlement issues are increasingly becoming a top concern of psychologists, therapists, Pastors and educators. We seem to have come to the place where we feel entitled to the good life. We're entitled to have everything work for us. If it doesn't, someone must be to blame, and you can be sure of at least this: Whoever is at fault, it isn't us.
How crazy of an idea is that?
Think of last year’s Christmas, recall the pile of presents under the Christmas tree as large as Diamond Head, that's taken for granted. That's just the way it's supposed to be. Every child has a right to presents by the ton, and even that will not be enough if the latest, coolest gadget of the minute isn't to be found.
A person standing on Waikiki beach with a frown on his face, muttering, "I really liked our vacation to Tahiti better" -- that's an entitlement issue, too.
Or how about these? "I'm a college graduate, so I deserve a high-paying job." "I've been good to my friends, so they owe me their loyalty." "I am a senior citizen, so I deserve younger people's respect." "We weren't put on this earth to suffer, so life owes me a break." "I took care of my kids when they were young, so I am entitled to some special care from them when I grow old."
The upshot is a culture of complaint. We have, it seems, grown fluent in the language of blame, complaint and grievance, while having lost our linguistic capacity when it comes to words such as, "Please," "Thank you," and "I'm sorry." We also seem increasingly disabled when it comes to expressing personal responsibility for our part in the problems that beset us. After all, how can we possibly say, "It's my fault," when we've been weaned and schooled on self-esteem? If I'm OK and you're OK, then it must be "Them."
How has this pervasive sense of entitlement come to pass? I have my theories, but the how is irrelevant. It is the consequences that matter and whatever the cause, this much seems true: Entitlement is the handmaiden of the ego, the sign of a neglected, malnourished soul, and the cornerstone of Resentment.
Entitlement signals a rejection of the core values of America and of Christianity. Our national genetic code and faith, at least at one time, was patterned on respect for the common man and woman. A shared belief in the dignity of human life that's not the consequence of having, but of being created in God’s image.
My grandmother, who lived through the Great Depression in the Midwest, was imprinted with this genetic code and made a point of passing it on to my mother, who was just as determined to pass it on to me. When I was a teenager during one visit to her modest home with my mother, I said something that must have sounded either arrogant or entitled. My mother locked her glare on me while my Grandmother fixed me with a stern look and said, "Don't you ever think you are any better than anyone else!" I have remembered it, precisely because I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was special to both of them, the apple of their eyes. However even considering that idea of putting myself above others was never to be tolerated.
Here's a project you can undertake, pull out your bible and try to find the passage where Jesus proclaims that as the Son of God He is entitled to special privileges, or Paul claiming a special exemption from suffering because of all he has done. Easier to find (as the others do not exist) are the passages where David thought he was entitled to preferred treatment and see how God dealt with him.
In the end, it's the entitled who, however rich, are truly poor. Instead of knowing life as a gift from God, life turns into something that's taken for granted -- or worse, begrudged. That's real poverty, and no sense of entitlement can alleviate it, or stop it from digressing to what comes with it….Resentment.
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