Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you Colossians 3:13
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-16
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25
Jesus is very clear … Forgive… However He does not tell us how to do so. He gives to us the impossible mandate, something that we are incapable of doing on our own. A command that leaves us twisted and turning knowing what He expects of us being pitted against our own desires for retribution, or at the very least, vindication. I believe that is precisely the point, that as we make the decision to pursue forgiveness, we are naturally drawn closer to Him. Anyone who has ever pursued the act of forgiving quickly realizes that we can not, it goes against our very nature; that the act of forgiveness is in fact a divine act, one that we are only capable of achieving with the help of God. Thus we begin a new series on the command to forgive.
How does a person know if he has forgiven? It is when you have crossed over that bridge, where you no longer feel rage over the circumstances, in it’s place you feel sorrow. The anger at the individual who has caused you such pain and suffering is replaced with a genuine emotion of feeling sorry for them. When finally, you have nothing left to say about it all.
Writing how you know that you have forgiven is the easy part, the journey to that point, however is hard. It’s filled with emotional upheaval, anguish, self-doubt, insecurity, and any number of false ideas. The journey of forgiveness itself, is frequently sabotaged by ourselves before we begin. The road towards forgiveness must begin with ‘accountability’. As you pass through the junction of accountability there are three paths that exit the far side of it, only one of which can show you the way to forgiveness. Some, choose the path of denial, of justification; you know who they are, it is your co-worker who blames his wife for his infidelity, the neighbor who only backed into your car because you parked in his blind spot, the employee who takes home a few items from work, because his boss doesn’t pay him enough, or the woman at church who only gossiped about you because everyone else was.
Then there are those who choose the path of self blame, of blaming themselves for the actions of others, the woman who tells her best friend that it is her fault that her husband is having an affair, the neighbor who apologizes for parking where his neighbor could back into him, the manager who thinks that if he were a better manager then his employees wouldn’t take things from the company, or the member of your church who smiles and says that it her fault that people gossip about her, because she deserves it.
Finally there are the few, the very, very few who know that to honestly forgive someone you must first know precisely what it is that you are forgiving; you must face the truth. Those who tell the adulteress husband that she was not there when he made the decision to betray his family, the neighbor who informs his neighbor that it was not his car that was moving when it was hit, the employer who lets an employee go because they accepted the position knowing what the benefits and requirements were, and lastly the member of your church who confronts those gossiping with a gentle reminder to read James 3
It is only when you are honest with and about yourself as well as those whom you seek to forgive that you can begin the journey. Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger, it does not excuse evil, and it does not tolerate or smother it. Genuine forgiveness begins when we look evil full in the face, call it what it is, let it’s horror shock, stun and enrage us, only then are we capable of beginning the road to forgiving it.
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