Today's posting is a personal one and I write this because when writing on the subject matters that I write, it is easy to pretend that I do not commit the very sins I hammer away at; that I am somehow better, holier, or more developed than those of you who read my writings. When in truth, I am simply a man trying and failing at being the man that God wants me to be. Which is the exact reason Jesus died for me.
Tonight was my weekly Bible study, we are beginning a new study on the Holy Spirit (Forgotten God, by Francis Chan), which I have been looking forward to; it is a subject that intrigues me and that I wanted to throw myself into. However, I had previously mistaken the date that I was to pick a friend up from the airport (it was today and not tomorrow), but being a man of my word, I was there to pick them up and drop them safely off at their hotel. All of this put me behind schedule so I was running late when I arrived at the Bible study, I was thankful that the leader had delayed starting the group until I managed to squeeze in a ½ hour late.
There was one chair left empty and as I took it I noticed that the person sitting next to me was new. I then remembered that I had earlier in the week received a phone call from a woman who was asking about where she go to attend a bible study, and I had recommended this one, because of the people in it and because of the new subject matter we were undertaking. The leader for tonight had everyone introduce themselves and tell just a pinch about who they were, when it got to me, I said my name and then simply said ‘I am the one who stirs the pot’ (Which is true, I am the one who will challenge you on your feelings, your beliefs, your actions, always testing...)
After introductions a short DVD was played and during it I noticed that the new woman was tearing up. It was taking every bit of self control she had to not break down and begin to cry. I reached over and asked her if she was alright, to which she gave me a brief explanation as to why she was emotional. My response was to tell her that I would talk to her later, that I may be able to help her after the Bible study. The DVD continued to play and as it was finishing up Francis Chan mentioned that we should keep ourselves open to the Holy Spirit interrupting what we had planned, to be open to the idea that perhaps God had something else planned for us, that it may not be the Holy Spirits desire that we finish this study right now. I nodded my head in agreement
Shortly after the DVD was over she had to leave (we started late - remember). As she was leaving, the leader of our Bible study walked her to the door and was briefly visiting with her as I approached to touch base with her. It was obvious that she was troubled, and that she needed to talk, but just did not have any more time tonight. I gave her my phone number and told her to call, and I would be glad to sit down and listen. She said she would. With that she left.
Tonight I failed! Tonight I was so rushed, so self-absorbed, so self-focused, so self-centered, so self concerned about what I wanted to get out of tonight’s bible study that I missed the obvious. Tonight I was there to step into the gap, tonight I was to do - rather then listen. Tonight God had brought a hurting individual to the chair next to me; tonight God had brought someone who I am uniquely qualified to help to my very side. Tonight, the Holy Spirit wanted me to be open to the idea of not starting the study tonight. Tonight I failed.
We all fail, and when we do we can view it in one of two ways. The first, which is the easiest and by far the most popular, is to say that we are thankful that the Holy Spirit has convicted us of our missed opportunity and that we have learned from it; in other words we pat ourselves on the back for being aware of the fact that we did nothing. The other way is to let the conviction penetrate your very soul, to acknowledge that you failed, that it was your sin that caused you to fail, and to not let yourself off the hook with being alright with the fact that you did nothing when you were asked to do something. To ask for a second chance and mean it.
It is my heartfelt prayer that I am given another opportunity to step forward into the gap, instead of standing still. I know that God’s plan for this woman will not be altered by my failure to do what He wanted me to do, I might be given another opportunity, or God will simply send someone else to do what I did not.
Tonight I forgot God, I was busy thinking about me. Tonight I failed, but with the Holy Spirit's help, I will do better tomorrow.
God calls us to step into the gap regardless of what we planned or want. We are not just blessed, we are called to be a blessing.
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