Forgiveness - How Love Wins (part 3 of 5)

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”  Corrie Ten Boom

Have you ever noticed that those who have committed horrible acts of betrayal eventually come around to saying one thing about those whom they betrayed?  “They just need to forgive and move on…” Of course if they honestly felt like helping the wounded along in the process they would admit to their sin, repent of it, and do whatever is necessary to make amends, but therein lies the rub, the reason for them making the statement is driven more by their own desire to absolve themselves of any responsibility, to pretend that there was no harm, no foul.  However selfish and self-serving the reason for making the statement, they nevertheless are correct, but for the wrong reasons. 

To them and if you were to admit it, to yourself; forgiveness always seems so easy, when we need it and so hard when we need to give it.  So how do we do the impossible, forgive those who are not sorry for the harm they have caused?  How do we forgive when we don't feel like it? 

It begins with a decision, a decision to pursue forgiveness.  How do we translate the decision to forgive into a change of heart?  We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.

I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please Him when we choose to forgive. However it does not happen overnight, sometimes the journey to forgiveness may take years, but we must persist in our commitment to honor Him by forgiving those who do not deserve it.  In His time He will complete the work He has begun in us.  We must continue to forgive (our job) by faith, until the work of forgiveness (His job) is done in our hearts.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”  Philippians 1:6   

Forgiveness is not saying that what the person did against you is okay, it is releasing to God that which is reserved for God.  If as a Christian you accept that God is your heavenly father, how does a father respond when one of his children deliberately hurts another of his children?  He does not overlook it.  He acts with mercy to the injured and with justice to the guilty; always tempered with love.  What someone has done against you is one thing, however if you take the bait of unforgiveness, your decision will cause much more damage then they were ever able to.  

Your father wants you to forgive, because the decision to not forgive is the decision to hate; to hate another created in the same image as you were, to hate someone that God loves.  Every moment you hold on to that hate, it acts like a drug slowly poisoning your soul.  You cannot praise God and curse another made in His image, one is fundamentally opposed against the other.  Hate or love, only one can win.

God commands you to forgive, to give you life, a future, hope.  Forgiveness is an act of faith; it is the ultimate submission of your will to God’s will. To choose to forgive makes your heart more like His.   Forgiveness is how love wins. 

Forgiveness - How Love Wins (part 2 of 5)

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you  Colossians 3:13

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.  Matthew 18:21-22

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Luke 6:37

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  Matthew 6:14-16

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.  Mark 11:25

Jesus is very clear … Forgive…  However He does not tell us how to do so.   He gives to us the impossible mandate, something that we are incapable of doing on our own.   A command that leaves us twisted and turning knowing what He expects of us being pitted against our own desires for retribution, or at the very least, vindication.   I believe that is precisely the point, that as we make the decision to pursue forgiveness, we are naturally drawn closer to Him.  Anyone who has ever pursued the act of forgiving quickly realizes that we can not, it goes against our very nature; that the act of forgiveness is in fact a divine act, one that we are only capable of achieving with the help of God.  Thus we begin a new series on the command to forgive. 

How does a person know if he has forgiven?   It is when you have crossed over that bridge, where you no longer feel rage over the circumstances, in it’s place you feel sorrow.  The anger at the individual who has caused you such pain and suffering is replaced with a genuine emotion of feeling sorry for them.  When finally, you have nothing left to say about it all.

Writing how you know that you have forgiven is the easy part, the journey to that point, however is hard.  It’s filled with emotional upheaval, anguish, self-doubt, insecurity, and any number of false ideas.  The journey of forgiveness itself, is frequently sabotaged by ourselves before we begin.  The road towards forgiveness must begin with ‘accountability’.  As you pass through the junction of accountability there are three paths that exit the far side of it, only one of which can show you the way to forgiveness.  Some, choose the path of denial, of justification; you know who they are, it is your co-worker who blames his wife for his infidelity, the neighbor who only backed into your car because you parked in his blind spot, the employee who takes home a few items from work, because his boss doesn’t pay him enough, or the woman at church who only gossiped about you because everyone else was. 

Then there are those who choose the path of self blame,  of blaming themselves for the actions of others, the woman who tells her best friend that it is her fault that her husband is having an affair,  the neighbor who apologizes for parking where his neighbor  could back into him, the manager who thinks that if he were a better manager then his employees wouldn’t take things from the company, or the member of your church who smiles and says that it her fault that people gossip about her, because she deserves it.  

Finally there are the few, the very, very few who know that to honestly forgive someone you must first know precisely what it is that you are forgiving; you must face the truth.  Those who tell the adulteress husband that she was not there when he made the decision to betray his family, the neighbor who informs his neighbor that it was not his car that was moving when it was hit, the employer who lets an employee go because they accepted the position knowing what the benefits and requirements were, and lastly the member of your church who confronts those gossiping with a gentle reminder to read James 3

It is only when you are honest with and about yourself as well as those whom you seek to forgive that you can begin the journey.  Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger, it does not excuse evil, and it does not tolerate or smother it. Genuine forgiveness begins when we look evil full in the face, call it what it is, let it’s horror shock, stun and enrage us, only then are we capable of beginning the road to forgiving it.  

Forgiveness - How Love Wins (part 1 of 5)

Forgiveness is not something you choose to do because of who someone is, or because they have earned it; rather it is what you choose to do in spite of who they are.  Because they can never earn it; and neither can you.

"Forgiveness is the remission of sins.  For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again" 1  "Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again" 2 

1. Saint Augustine 2. Dag Hammarskjold

Forgiveness by Mathew West

Forgiveness, Must I forgive someone who is not rependant?

If I were to sin against you, are you under obligation to forgive me even if I refuse to acknowledge and turn from what I have done against you?  This is a not nearly as complicated as most of us make it.  I have heard to many times to recall from someone who has betrayed their spouse, stabbed their co-worker in the back, or taken something from another person that the one who has been injured just needs to forgive them and get on with their life.  It is a coldly callous and self serving attitude along with a distorted Christian viewpoint.  Frequently I wonder just why the individual supposes that God has forgiven them of their sins, when the Bible clearly says otherwise. 

Jesus taught his disciples to pray ‘Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors’ Matthew 6:12.  Does that mean that we have to forgive someone even when they refuse reconciliation, someone who refuses to repent?  That question is far more important than most of us realize, it is a hard question, one that cuts to the heart of our faith, the individual who seeks to forgive, and to the individual who needs the forgiveness.

First, we must acknowledge that the debts we owe one another pale in comparison to the infinite debt we owe God, our heavenly father.  It is because we have been forgiven an infinite debt, that it would be an horrendous act of evil to remotely consider withholding forgiveness from those who (and this is important) seek it.  Thus we must always be willing to manifest the kind of love that is willing to forgive those who wrong us. 

Furthermore, forgiveness is by simple definition a two-way street, one that leads to the restoration of fellowship.  By that I mean, that it requires someone who is willing to forgive, and someone who wants to be forgiven.  If you are to forgive me for the sins I have committed against you, I must be willing to turn from those sins, I must be willing to seek to restore that which I took from you; I must be repentant; otherwise, there can be no restoration of fellowship (i.e. forgiveness).  Nowhere in the Bible does God offer forgiveness without repentance on the part of the individual who has sinned.

Finally, we must never suppose that our standard of forgiveness is higher than God’s standard.  He objectively (something that actually exists) offers us forgiveness and restoration of fellowship with Him.  However His forgiveness is not subjectively realized (it does not belong to you), until you repent. 

For those who need to forgive and for those who need forgiveness these two verses might well be worth taking to heart. 

“Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:37-38

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you; leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

Examined Christian Faith 'Forgiveness' 3.6 What is Christainity

I believe that without question, the most unpopular of all Christian Virtues is the one I am going to address today: “you shall love your neighbor as yourself”.  Because Christian morals mean that “your neighbor” includes “your enemy”, thus we are pushed up against this terrible duty of forgiving our enemies.   Nearly everyone you ask will tell you that forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.  Then to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with distain and anger.  It isn’t that people think forgiveness is too high and difficult a virtue; it is that they think it hateful and contemptible.   Most of who are reading this have already decided to ask me “I wonder how you would feel about forgiveness if you had a family member inside the World Trade Center on September 11^th, or if your spouse had betrayed you with cold and calculated malice. 

So do I: In answer to the first question I wonder very much, in answer to the second it is a battle I fight each and every day.  Christianity tells me that I must not deny my religion to save myself from death or torture, I wonder what I would do if it came to that point.  Do not mistake me for one of those who writes a book telling you that I have mastered the Christian doctrine of forgiveness – I am simply telling you what Christianity is.  I did not invent it, yet right in the middle of it, we find “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”  It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we will not be forgiven.  There are no two ways about it.  So what are we to do?

It is going to be hard, but I think I there are at lest two things we can do to make it easier.  First, just as when you start learning math, you did not begin with calculus, you began with simple addition (1+1=2) In the same manner, if you really want to learn how to forgive (but you have to really want to forgive) perhaps you should start with something easier then those things that repulse everyone with any morals, those things that there can be no justification for.  Start instead by forgiving something someone has said this week, and continue to build on top of that.

Second, I think we should try to understand exactly what loving your neighbor as yourself means. I have to love him as I love myself?  Then exactly how do I love myself?  I can only speak for myself but I have not exactly got a feeling of fondness or affection for myself.  Nor do I always enjoy my own company.  So apparently “love your neighbor” doesn’t mean “to feel fond of him, or to find him attractive” Do I think I am good, think I am a nice person?  Honestly, sometimes I do (and those are no doubt my worst moments).  But that is not why I love myself, in fact it is the other way around: my self love makes me think myself nice (thus those who argue that they are a good person are without doubt the most narcissist of all) but thinking myself nice is not why I love myself.  So if you extend that, that loving your enemies does not mean thinking they are nice either.  Which at least to me is a great relief as forgiving my enemies does not mean that I have to say they are not such bad people, when it is quite plain that they are.

Taking that one step further, in my most clear sighted moments not only do I not think of myself as a nice person, but know that I am a wicked one.  I can look at some of the things I have done with horror, which apparently means that I am allowed to hate some of the things my enemies do.  Remember Christian theology teaches that we are to hate the evil person’s actions but not the evil person.

For a long time, I thought that was just hair splitting, how could you hate what the person did and not hate the person?  However, with time it occurred to me that I have been doing this all my life – namely with myself.  I might dislike some of what I have done, yet I went on loving myself.  In fact the reason I hated the things was because I loved the man.  Because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of person who did those things.  Consequently Christianity does not want us to reduce our hatred we feel for cruelty, treachery, deceit, and self-fishiness.  We should hate them, but we are to hate them in the same way in which we hate things in ourselves.  Being sorry that the person could have done such things, yet hoping that somehow, sometime, somewhere, someway, he or she can be cured and mad human again. 

 

Does loving your enemy mean not punishing them?  No, for loving myself does not mean that I should not subject myself to punishment for my sins.  If one had committed murder, the right Christian thing to do would be to give yourself up to the police and accept your punishment, even if that meant death.  Thus what is the Christian thing for a thief to do, or an adulterer, an unscrupulous businessman?  The modern church has removed punishment, (JUSTICE) from its teachings.  But I do not think God has suddenly, due to popular demand ceased being JUST.   It is therefore in my opinion perfectly right for a Christian Judge or minister to deal swiftly with perpetrators, demanding justice for both the perpetrators and the victims.   Mercy is measured by Justice.

Some (more often then not those who are guilty of things that repulse the average moral Chrsitian) will say “if one is allowed to condemn the enemy’s acts, and punish him, what is the difference between Christian morality and the secular view?”  All the difference in the world.  Remember, Christians think man lives forever.  Thus what really matters is those twists on the central inside part of the soul which are going to turn it in the long run into a heavenly or hellish creature.  We may punish, if Justice is necessary, but we are not to enjoy it.  The ‘feeling’ of vengeance must simply be killed.  

Even while we punish we must feel about the enemy as we feel about ourselves – to wish that he or she were not bad, to hope that he or she may in this world be cured; thus in fact to wish him or her good.  That is what is meant in the Bible by loving him: wishing for your enemy good, not feeling fond of him or her, nor saying he or she is nice and a good person when they are not.

I admit that I struggle with this myself, because it means loving people who have nothing lovable about them.  But then again do I have anything loveable about me? I love me, simply because I am 'me'.  God intends us to love all “ME’s” in the same way and for the same reason.  I find it easier to do, when I remind myself of how He loves me.  Not for any nice, good attractive qualities I think I have, but because I am me.  Because really there is nothing in us to love: we are creatures who actually find hatred pleasurable, and that to give it up is like giving up alcohol or cigarettes. 

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